Thursday, 30 August 2012

16: A Night of Fright is No Delight

We open on a bad-ass spooky mansion either in the middle of a misty field or on a tiny island in the middle of a misty ocean.
Who would build here? Why?
We immediately pan across to what I can only assume is another stolen boat (confirming that the mansion was build in the ocean and boggling the mind) captained by Fred and the gang. Fred is driving, Velma is reading the paper, and Daphne is just straight up not giving a fuck.
"I am so much better than these rubes."
Turns out Scoob has inherited a fortune and the whole gang is going along to hear the Will read. I love how they don't explain how Scooby inherited the fortune, just that he did.
Fred, the Grasshopper who Wears the Skin of a Man, has captured his human prey.
Apparently it was so impressive that it made the papers.
'Ruby Stoneway Canvas 141?'
They arrive at the mansion and are greeted by someone who is clearly shocked to see them. It's like he's saying "Woah you guys actually came? Jesus! You know this mansion is in the middle of the ocean right?"
"Woah... who the fuck are you guys?"
Apparently the man who's fortune Scooby inherited was Colonel Sanders. Is that.. can they do that?
I can't tell if he's in proportion or not. It's freaking me out.
Turns out the man who greeted them at the door was the dead Colonels attorney, he gathers everyone in a room (apparently several people inherited the fortune) and we get a good look at them.
The pink guy's name is Cousin Simple. Yeah.
Looks like we got, what, a pigman, zombified accountant, a dragonfly dressed as an old woman, and someone who can only be described as swarthy. Good luck Scoob, you'll need it. The attourney remarks that his partner couldn't make it and Shaggy mutates.
Apparently the only instructions Colonel Sanders left were that a record should be played to all those in attendance. A thick southern drawl comes starts playing, and names each inheritor by name. We see them each individually, and Scooby is just wearing the most shit eating grin.
I could slap you Scooby, I swear to god!
Apparently they're all in line to win a share of the fortune (one million dollars) providing they all spend the night in the haunted mansion. I just want to point out that if Scooby gets any money out of this the Gang will just totally take it. Scooby looks worried and they all retire to bed.
This is the life of a near-sentient dog, Scooby, I'm sorry.
Shaggy, Fred, and Scooby all share a bedroom. Shaggy decides he needs a sandwich and uses fish food in his ingredients. I'm fairly sure that should kill you but whatever.
Maybe Shaggy wants to die...
Scooby is having a bath, and is surprised by the ghost, who pops in through a secret passageway in the bathroom right above the bath. I can only imagine that was for when Colonel Sanders needed to make a quick getaway when surprised in the tub.
What other purpose could they serve?
Nobody believes him, but that's sort of understandable because Fred is high is so high.
"I cant taste everything!"
Meanwhile, the Ghost sneaks into the apemans bedroom and gives him quite a fright.
Seriously, Cousin Simple.
The gang hear the commotion, and look out into the hall. What's weird about this is that Velma and Daphne aren't in their pajamas. What were they doing?
Daphne might not be dressed, we don't know.
Everyone gathers in the apemans bedroom and he has mysteriously disappeared, everyone is at a loss until Fred finds a clue on a mirror.
"Lookit! Look what I found!"
Fred decides to lay a trap for the ghost, which involves a fake scooby doo and Velma developing gross little stub hands.
Ew. Ew. Ew.
Hijinks occur and Scooby, Shaggy, and Velma find themselves in a cave. Immediately they find footprints which Velma deduces must have belonged to the ghost. She informs Shaggy that she would happily sacrifice him to said ghost, and they keep walking.
And Shaggy ages ten years.
Turns out the cave is full of confederate flags and cannons.
They'd totally be covered in spiders.
Hijinks occur and everyone leaps on Velma, which is always funny.
Hahahahahaha. Always funny.
Hijinks eventuate in Shaggy, Velma, and Scooby finding their way into Swarthy's bedroom, where he has mysteriously disappeared. I'm fairly sure Fred and Daphne are banging whilst this is all happening. They certainly weren't looking for the rest of the gang.
Although Velma's skirt is sort of hiked up. The plot thickens.
Turns out everyone has gone, and it's just Scooby left. Which means he wins I guess. The gang, as always, aren't worried about the fact that everyone else might be dead, and decide to investigate. The find an organ.
Yup, that's an Organ.
Daphne picks up a music book and Fred immediately snatches it out of her hand and reads it furiously.
Or sadly, whatever. He's reading it weird.
Scooby begins to play the organ and causes the walls to close in. Unfortunately everyone survives and a trapdoor in the floor opens up.
See, what'd I tell you.
Down the trapdoor the gang make a grizzly discovery: Five coffins, one of which is distinctly dog shaped.
Woah woah woah. That took a turn.
They are ambushed by the ghost, and everyone panics and runs. What does that mean boys and girls? Is it hijinks? It's hijinks.
Finally, fucking finally, they ditch the ghosts, and we get ready to bring this episode home with a trap. It's kind of stupid, but at this point I'm just happy to get this over and done with.
"Boopidee Doo! Jackson Fuck you!"
They get ready to pull the trap and... uh... this happens.
It works, eventually, and the ghosts are revealed to be the lawyers, which isn't actually surprising in the slightest. Scooby is rewarded with his fortune, but it turns out it was in confederate dollars, which is apparently worthless. Scooby then eats a haunted bone. The end. Fuck.
Fuck this was a hijinks heavy episode. One man should not have to deal with so much hijinks at once.

Fuck you Scooby Doo

Jackson Bee.

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