Before we begin I'd like to comment that: 'Mine Your Own Business' sounds like a terrible piece of business advice. If you manufacture like, calenders, then mining your place of work will have disastrous effects.
We open with a panoramic shot of a deserted ghost town. A turkey vulture makes a noise like a screaming child, and we zoom in on an abandoned mine.
Out of the cave stumbles what is evidently just a homeless person, the background music crescendos at this point, so I guess we're supposed to be scared. Really we should be happy that someone in his position has a whole town to live in.
|Just a homeless man living in a mine.|
|See? Ghost Towns. Also Fred looks on the verge of tears.|
|Plus he's ginger.|
|It's not even a coat it's a ladies pantsuit.|
Anyway, a wizened old dwarf of a man called Old Hank, takes them to their rooms. Upon wondering at the lack of other guests Hank tells them that they town's being haunted by a: 'Miner 49er'. News so shocking it causes Velma to spontaneously develop lipstick.
|This started freaking me out because I thought maybe she always wore lipstick, but no, just this one time.|
Now in doing this blog I kind of wanted to stray away from the whole: Mystery Inc. are all stoned theory. It's been done to death and I wanted to be fresh with my mockery. But when they drive through the Ghost Town and Shaggy freaks out because he sees a door fall slowly and undramatically over certainly makes me wonder.
Fred actually stops the van and turns to Shaggy and angrily admonishes him.
|Everyone looks so scared.|
They find a map hidden inside a cigar store indian. Velma thinks she's clever by pointing out to the rest of the gang that this was because someone was hiding it. On the map they find the combination to a safe in the hotel lobby, and they decide that it is well within their rights to go and unlock it.
Inside the safe is a secret elevator, a concept I'm having a hard time reconciling with. It takes them down to a creepy old mine. Daphne complains that it is dark, and Shaggy, who we cant even pretend isn't functionally retarded, lights some dynamite. Maybe he had a death wish? More likely he was trying to save them all from Fred's sadistic control over their lives. He throws them away and they somehow detonate harmlessly.
They split up to look for clues, resulting in Shaggy and Scooby having a run in with the Miner 49er/homeless person.
|Look at his huuuuuge hands.|
Fred, Daphne, and Velma are having even worse luck. Whilst exploring a store room Fred falls through the floor and lands on a pile of flower, covering him head to foot. Whilst he's covered he makes these awful noises, like he's got some terrible disease, sort of, and I wont be able to do it well here, but sort of: Hoooph, hooph. It's nasty.
He tries to escape and runs into Shaggy and Scooby, who, being morons, mistake him for a ghost. They get into some minecarts and ride away. Unfortunately the homeless man/miner 49er was probably using them as a bed or something, because he springs up and clenches at them.
|He was sleeping you arseholes!|
I'd also like to point out that Daphne has, like, herpes for this entire episode, her mouth is all puffy and weird. I think it's supposed to be lipstick, and the animator had gotten tired of caring, but it looks so weird one has to wonder. She also seems a little drunk.
They set up a trap that results in them locking the miner/hobo in a tool-shed and then running him down with a mine cart, he gets flung over the edge of some old wooden structure, and, as he hangs on for dear life, the gang removes his mask.
|Fred Jones attacks mole people with beards.|
Motel Owner: So there must be gold in those mines!
Daphne: Not Gold! Black Gold!
So, still gold, in a way. You could have just said oil.
Apparently Old Hank is going to prison, although I can't think of what crime he commited. Scooby gets some apples from a tree using the stilts and falls into a trough because fuck this show.