We open on a spooky looking dilapidated castle, crumbling in the middle of, either mist or swamp I don't know which. A ghost pulls out a telescope and creates one of the strangest images I've seen in a while. I then have to eat my words as we see the gang sailing (another goddam boat) with Scooby Doo floating just above the deck.
|Also Velma looks like she only has one tooth.|
Shaggy tries to make a sandwich, only to have it stolen from him by Scooby. It's a pretty unremarkable scene we've seen countless times before, but I wanted to bring it to your attention because this still, exactly at the moment Shaggy has bitten into a sandwich that is no longer there.
|A racist demon levitates a pimento olive.|
On the island they find a piece of map under a crab. This is how I feel about that.
|Yeah, not happy.|
Inside the castle is a Medieval Knight. So, deal with that. After some walking Daphne falls down a trapdoor, Fred, who saw it happen asks: "What happened?" So, deal with that as well. We then get one of the most terrifying screams ever, it's as though a clown and a ventriloquists doll made love with a porcelain doll and this laugh is the result.
Everybody runs and in a hilarious turn of events, decides to use Velma as their means of transport. The below image is worth mulling over just for the shape of Fred's spine.
|Why Velma? Was she shocked? I find this so hilarious.|
Turns out Daphne is trapped in a dungeon somewhere, she decides on a direction using her 'intuition'. Is that her contribution to the group? Her intuition? Well that's depressingly sexist.
Shaggy and Scoob are separated from the group and meet the coolest Scooby Doo character ever: A glowing skull that gives them directions. He's just so casual.
Shaggy: Which way did they go?
Shaggy: Thanks man.
|He kind of talks like The Spirit of Jazz|
Shaggy and Scoob bolt. The next shot is of Daphne holding a vase above her head, she then hears the sound of Scooby and Shaggy running. "Someone's coming!" she yells. So, like, was she just standing there with the Vase anyway? I like to think she got confused and picked up the vase in defence.
They all meet up again and suddenly the ghost appears. It looks kind of cool in its way, but it sounds like a Drag Queen. Also it can't disappear so it runs. Ha.
Daphne finds a 'clue' which is just a giant key.
|Try to conceive a way this makes sense.|
I don't.... Why?.... what?....
There's some clever thinking regarding a clue written on the key ("The best place to find a book is a library!" - Daphne) and they end up in the library looking at a book. You know what that means:
|It's Mockery Machine Crazy Writing Funtime!|
Anyway, the discover that they need to be in the catacombs. In said catacombs is a sarcophagus, so, deal with that a third time. Fred demands Scooby explore them, to which he begins contorting himself and acting injured, Velma once again calls him a ham, and Scooby caves and does it for some Scooby Snacks.
Scooby concedes when Fred tells him he could be like John Wayne. This is Scooby being John Wayne.
|He looks more like Poirot but what ever.|
Velma once again calls Scooby a ham. Fucking Hell Velma, you have to be consistent. Not everything makes him a ham.
Another extended chase scene and the Phantom is captured. Turned out it was a magician or something, wanted in 6 states. That's pretty impressive. What's he doing on Haunted Isle? you ask. Is he a serial killer and he's laying low whilst the heat is on? Well no, apparently he's looking for treasure, and dressing up like a ghost to.... I don't know. The island is deserted, nobody ever goes there. I guess he just was.
Then, and maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like the policeman (Oh, there was a policeman on the island. Don't ask.) seems to suggest that the villain is going to be executed. I quote: "Well, his scaring days are over. The great bluestone is going to do a final disappearing act, courtesy of the county jail." Christ.
|Policeman: "Looks like he'll be getting the chair."|
Shaggy: "That'll be a shock!"