15: Spooky Space Kook

We open on what I can only assume is a spaceship floating across the evening sky, we then cut to a bitchin looking Space Skeleton walking up a dirt road having the time of it's life.

Look at this guy, he's having the best time!

We then cut to the Mystery Machine trundling along another, similar dirt road, which then runs out of gas. Everybody panics, but thankfully the little man who lives under the dashboard points out a creepy shack.

That is clearly not Fred's hand.

Velma wonders if maybe they can get some gas there, which seems overly optimistic, unfortunately instead of gas the gang finds an angry hillbilly, who tells them he's sick of reporters coming onto his property.

Hole for a mouth! Hole for a mouth!

He tells them that reporters have been asking him about the "haunted flying saucer" that's been seen in the skies, and the creepy "thing" that's been sighted. How did anyone know the spaceship was haunted? Why would you even assume that? Whatever the case, Velma realizes that the "it" has just passed them, and points to what appear to be glowing Information I's.

They look more like i's than feetprints. Come on.

Velma begins to list the circumstances surrounding them, but even the writers thought it was going to be boring, and so instead of focusing on Velma, we focus on a chicken biting Scooby's tail.

"This tail, ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of gourmet."

Scooby thinks the Ghost Spaceman has gotten him, and everyone makes fun of him for it. Fred decides that they have to investigate now, and the rest of the gang have to follow him in fear for their lives.

This man will kill you.

They drive (I guess the hillbilly had some moonshine) out onto the road, and begin wandering aimlessly. Seriously, they have no direction or clues, they just begin randomly searching. Anyway they see the spaceship in the sky and watch as it lands behind a hill.

Sort of looks like a nerf ball.

Turns out the spaceship landed in an old abandoned airfield, which is just chillin in the middle of nowhere. Seems like there should be more security maybe, or, at the very least, that the Gang is trespassing.

"Nuh uh!"
(also Scooby is dying.)

After explroring a bit the gang hears the ghosts high pitched cackle, which I'm pretty sure is the same soundbite as an earlier monsters laugh, which causes Shaggy's hair to grow.

More hair than is necessary.

They look for the source of the noise and find some footprints going into a shed. Shaggy wishes to leave and Fred looks at him with absolute derision.

Daphne is pleading with Velma for release.

There's a strange noise coming from the shed, which, on closer inspection, turns out to be generator. This is exiting news, don't get me wrong, but fuck this episode, it's not even stupid enough to be entertaining. Whatever, suddenly the spaceship lands in front of the shed, because, why not I guess.

Right there, right out the front.

Fred demands everyone split up and search the airfield, apparently ignoring the spaceship right in front of him. Shaggy and Scooby go chill by an airplane husk and eat peanuts. Scooby steals most of Shaggy's and Shaggy is driven insane.

Popeye?

The Space Ghost (Coast to Coast) arrives and steals more peanuts from Shaggy.

Just as an aside, this villain actually looks pretty awesome.

As could only be expected, this leads to hijinks, which are, as always, pretty terrible except for a few snapshots.

Basically just this one, really.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Gang investigate somebodies workshop. Daphne gets grease on her manicured perfect fingers and has a little freak out. Fred then points out that grease could be a clue.

Daphne has put her fingers somewhere unpleasant.

It must be a pretty big one, because the Space Specter uses one of the machines in the shop to hook Fred's belt using some kind of crane thing. If nothing else it draws attention to Fred's muscular square ass.

Geometrically perfect.

Fred is then hoisted up hung from the ceiling. He asks the two girls to try and find a lever to get him down. Daphne asks: "What would the lever look like Freddy?" and Fred just ignores her and says: "Velma surely you can figure it out!" man this shit just writes itself. It turns out they're both useless and Freddy asks them to go find Scooby and Shaggy.

Fred is just so sick of all this bullshit.

They do and Fred is just magically down. The gang is then accosted by the Space Ghoul, and everyone runs away. Shaggy and Scooby run into the Mess Hall and begin immediately looking for food. At least this time they admit that there probably isn't any food left, being that the place is abandoned, but they search anyway because they're terrible gluttons. Scooby opens a fridge and is shocked to find food. However it's pretty obviously just felt stitched together to look like food.

Seriously there's no way that's not an art project.

Scooby eats the felt food which was apparently real and just... I dunno, stitched together? Regardless, Shaggy thinks it's a clue, and they head off to tell the others. On their way they bump into the Spooky Space Kook, who is, pretty obviously, drunk.

He sort of waddles when he walks, it's hard to show in a picture

They hide in a dishwasher, because, you know, fucking why not. Scooby gets his legs broken.

Bent more or less entirely backward. Try doing that to a real dog.

And apparently set on fire.

Shaggy finds this hilarious

Fred, Daphne, and Velma are just standing around complaining, when Fred comes across a barrel. There's a newspaper in the barrel. Normally I'd be angry but it marks the return of Scooby Doo's Mysterious Newspaper Print.

Is it written in Russian? What's going on here?

Meanwhile Shaggy and Scooby have hidden themselves in some trashcans. The Spooky Space Kook finds them more or less immediately, and they run into one of the warehouses. Shaggy apparently has the key to it, and locks the door behind him. Hijinks occur and I weep silently.

And Scooby Mocks me.

Fred, Daphne, and Velma meet up with Shaggy and Scooby again and they come to the conclusion that they have discovered literally nothing. They find gas in the exhaust pipe of a tiny jeep.

Haha look at Fred: "Daphne what the fuck is this?"

Which then drives off of it's own accord. Just then several more Spooky Space Kooks turn up, and chase the gang into yet another warehouse. Inside of which is apparently something highly radioactive because Shaggy's face mutates more or less immediately.

he looks like a feral child.

They try to contact the rest of the Gang but it doesn't work, and the Spooky Space Kook breakes into the warehouse instead.

I dare you to explain what's happening here.

Shaggy and Scooby escape and, for the first time in Scooby Doo Mystery Inc history, the Gang get the police involved.

The cop doesn't look too happy to be there, though.

They trap the Spooky Space Kook in a wind tunnel and his costume flies off him. Turns out it was... this guy?

Oh  no it was this guy! Oh my gooood!

Turns out it's Henry Baskem, the Hillbillies next door neighbor. There's no real explanation for what happened except for, holograms and, apparently, according to Shaggy, home movies. Turns out Henry Baskem wanted to buy the air-field for some reason. 

*weeps*

Fuck you Scooby Doo.

P.S. Hey I'm back maybe, probably not, we'll see. If you just can't get enough of me, and you're one of the two people I don't know who used to read this blog, go to sanspantsradio.com and listen to me talk. Scoooby Dooby Doooo!