17: That's Snow Ghost

We open on a howling white wolf in the middle of some kind of tundra, and then more or less immediately cut to a snowbeast growling and just looking really unhappy.

Look at this guys eyebrows. Majestic.

We then cut to the Wolf's End Lodge. Lets stop and think about that for a second, unless for some reason they mean the end of a Wolf's existence, then this lodge has been named after a Wolf's backside. That's great.

Might as well have called it the Wolf's Bum Lodge. Ha!

The Gang arrive, decked out in ski gear, apparently they're here to go skiing. Daphne comments on the nasty, run down nature of the lodge, and Fred says it was the only one they could find. So I guess they just headed out into the snow in hopes of finding a Ski Lodge?

"Scoob eventually we'll have no option but to eat you. Don't fight it, it's nature."

The Gang head inside and are greeted by some kind of hideous worm beast who apparently runs the place.

How awesome is his little half jacket?

Suddenly the entrance door opens and a hideous little goblin man comes inside. He's obviously supposed to be a racist caricature of some variety, but he's so deformed you can't even tell who they were mocking mercilessly in the first place.

"Ze Flied Lice Senor Comrade?"

The Gang are, suitably, horrified.

"Jesus Christ!"

The worm man leads the Gang to their bedrooms and just generally acts like the most suspicious guy ever. He tells the Gang they should close their windows because the Snow Ghost will get them if they don't, and then laughs and laughs and laughs.

Seems legit.

 The Snowghost turns up at their window and the Gang decide it's within their best interests to run. They all hop on each others backs turtle style, except Daphne, who I like to think they saw as the weakest member and left to get eaten.

Daphne can fend for herself!

They run outside and right to the window where the Snow Ghost they were trying to avoid was standing. Because shut up. Fed decides to ruin everyone's ski trip by investigating, and everyone begrudgingly complies.

"Well that's another holiday ruined."

There's a very long scene in which the Gang are riding snowmobiles following the Snow Ghost's tracks. It's long and terrible, and at one point they pass the Snow Ghost himself, who turns to the camera as if to say: "Can you believe this shit?"

"These fuckin' guys."

Eventually the Gang find themselves at a cliff face, and spy the Snow Ghost in the distance on a rocky hill. The Snow Ghost them just straight up begins floating towards them. It's nuts.

He looks so fucking determined.

Fred and Daphne hide inside their parkas as the Snow Ghost swoops overhead.

No comment.

The Gang follow the Snow Ghost but eventually lose him, they then spy a cave with a light coming from it. They send a reluctant terrified Scooby Doo in first, but he fucks it up, making Velma go incredibly lumpy for a second.

Look at her hideous little mouth here. It's the size of a peanut!

Turns out the cave is full of Tibetan curiosities, including huge pipes and a gong, Fred wonders aloud who lives in such a place, and Velma decides to bang the gong and see if that will make them turn up.

Is this racist? It feels racist.

They do; it's a supposedly Tibetan man called Fu Lun Chi. Was... was he just waiting behind the curtain until someone rang the Gong? Just sitting there praying and hoping they'd ring it so that he could finally meet some friends.

"You guys ever watch that Game of Thrones?"

Apparently the Snow Ghost is chasing Foolin Chee. We then cut to a reaction shot of Velma and Daphne and it becomes quite apparent that Fred has corrupted Daphne and she too is now a grasshopper wearing the skin of a human being.

Velma is sad because she knows she is next.

Apparently Foo Lunchy accidentally killed a yeti in Tibet and the yeti's ghost came back to haunt him. How sentient do you think you have to be before you can come back and haunt? Could a chimp haunt someone, conceivably? Fulun Chi has been running from the yetis restless spirit ever since, but now it has caught up with him. Suddenly the wolf from earlier comes in, and we discover that it belongs to the haunted Tibetan. Scooby then extends his tongue and I sleep with the light on for a week.

AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

The Gang then head off, but on their way back to the lodge come across some more footprints, leading to an abandoned sawmill. The Gang head inside and split up. Velma, Scoob, and Shaggy come across a broken mirror, which causes Scooby and Shaggy to laugh and laugh and laugh like the stoned idiots they are. meanwhile Velma gets kidnapped.

It's just a fucking mirror! FUCK!

Shaggy then falls down a trapdoor because that's just how this kind of thing goes, and Scooby starts looking for them. He finds Velma attached to a log heading into a buzzsaw. It's awesome. Unfortunately Scooby saves Velma by shape-shifting into a buck toothed monstrosity.

The worst part is how calm Velma is. In fact she's almost adoring.

Then hijinks. Because always hijinks.

Hijinks will be the death of me, I swear.

Eventually they meet up with Fred and Daphne again and Fred gets this real predatory grin on his face. If I found out Fred was a cannibal it would not surprise me.

Look at him. He intends to eat Velma.

Shaggy then arrives covered in white powder. Velma, the level headed one, assumes he's been turned into a ghost by the Snow Ghost, that is until Shaggy falls into a convenient trough of water, at which point Velma remarks that he is no longer a ghost. So he was at one point, but he's finished now.

The clever one, ladies and gentlemen

The Snow Ghost starts throwing barrels and more hijinks happen.

THE DEATH

OF ME!

Velma, Daphne, and Fred hide from the Snow Ghost behind some logs. Daphne in some logs, apparently. Lucky she did though because she discovers that they're chock full of diamonds.

Of course! It all makes sense. (it doesn't)

Shaggy and Scoob meanwhile are involved in an extended chase sequence with the Snow Ghost which isn't even interesting enough to mock, it's just dull. It's worthwhile for this image though.

I hope they die.

Fred devises a convoluted plan to capture the Snow Ghost, but as always it fucks up pretty quickly. Nevertheless they capture the Snow Ghost somehow. Turns out it was the guy from the lodge who was acting all suspicious. Which... isn't surprising in the least. At all.

Look at him he's totally going, " Huh, in retrospect this made no sense at all."

Turns out the lodge guy and the creepy stereotype were jewel thieves who used the hollowed out logs to smuggle diamonds across the border. So to Canada I guess. Everyone has a laugh and Scooby ends up stuck in a tree. A little squirrel comes out of the tree and starts just wailing on Scooby and I feel a certain satisfying kinship.

I am this squirrel this squirrel is me!

So there we go, Season 1 of Scooby Doo, Where are You? All done and reviewed. What'd you think? Loved it? Hated it? Ambivalent? I'll do a retrospective on the series after this and then head on to Season 2.

And finally:

Fuck you Scooby Doo. Fuck you.

Jackson Bee.